


She loves me, She loves me not (story on hiatus)

by eggxavier



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-13 19:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18947293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggxavier/pseuds/eggxavier
Summary: A metallic taste crept at her tongue whilst blood ran down her lips and a delicate blood-stained petal drifts down the bowl.The girl of steel is in love with Lena Luthor, unfortunately.





	1. Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear up a few things, apart from this fanfiction being based on the Hanahaki Disease, this is also an AU where in Jack Spheer is alive and Him and Lena are still in a relationship ! 
> 
> this is the first fanfic I've written so I apologize if featured characters seem off and/or out of character, I also apologize for spelling or grammatical errors. English is not my native language.

Kara was sitting in her office at CatCo when it happened.

She had busied herself by admiring bouquets of flowers that filled up her entire office which were all sent to her by Lena Luthor as a thank you for being her extraordinary best friend.

Lena Luthor was not an ordinary woman, having attempted a cure to cancer by the age of 19 with her partner, Jack Spheer, with the use of Nanotechnology.

At a very young age, she had already accomplished many things and often sought welfare for others who couldn't afford to.

And even with people mocking her because of her last name she still continues to serve the citizens of National City with her own inventions, both human and alien.

It was no secret that the billionaire CEO with her piercing green eyes and sweet accented tone had caught the hearts of men and women alike.

And with the multitude of people vying for Lena’s affection there stood out one certain blonde reporter who had unfortunately fallen for Lena’s charms..

The one and only.  
_Kara Danvers._

The two were close and were each other’s pillar when they can't stand by themselves alone, they would often go out on lunch dates and the superfriends considered the two as the most dangerous duo when it came to game night.

When either of them was feeling under the weather it doesn’t take long before the other had already crashed through the door, offering comfort _(and lots of food)_ often threatening to beat up whoever dared to bring the other down into a sour mood.

Every time Kara interacts with Lena she just can’t help but feel soft and _oh-so-smitten_. How could she not?

She had come to the conclusion that there were no words that could express how _perfect_ Lena was.

Sure they may have met due to inauspicious circumstances but once Lena had proved that she had nothing to do with the venture incident and was a philanthropist, simply wanting to start anew. The two became close friends.

Kara was _intoxicated_ by the brunette.

It had almost come to a point where there was nothing Kara wouldn’t do just to keep the brunette safe and happy.

Especially with the weight of the Luthor name and a target on Lena’s back.

Most of the time she’d find herself entranced by Lena’s emerald eyes, they were as deep as the ocean & mirrored the exquisite fields of Ireland, in short... _They were beautiful, just like Lena._

Kara found it overly intractable to keep her eyes off the lady _(not that she had plans to stop ogling.)_ she would very much like to keep herself distracted by Lena who frequently visited her office at CatCo.

Although Snapper would crucify her for not doing her job properly… it didn’t matter.

 _Nothing mattered_.

Lena occupied her thoughts, every second of every day, she's not complaining though.

 _That is_ … until she felt something tickling the back of her throat, she tried to dismiss it but despite kara's efforts, it did not go away and it seemed as though it wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

there was something blocking her windpipe and it was doing a great job of irritating her, she tries to take a gulp of air but she still couldn’t breathe in fact, her effort to do so only made it feel _worse_.

she tries to clear her throat but her attempt on doing so only sent her coughing.

 _blood_ , she was coughing out blood.

she stumbled out of her office and into the nearest restroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her before she sunk to her knees, lurching over the toilet and gagging.

A metallic taste crept at her tongue whilst blood ran down her lips and a delicate blood-stained petal drifts down the bowl.

she immediately recalled stories and written articles about the Hanahaki disease and it's symptoms, about how _unrequited love_ grows inside a someone’s heart causing flowers to _bloom_ inside their victims, _suffocating them_

a constant reminder that their beloved doesn’t love them.

it was an excruciating pain to bear, both physically _and_ emotionally.

at that moment she couldn’t help but chuckle to herself as she admired the floating petal, it was of a plumeria's

‘Lena really is my kryptonite’ she thought to herself

Kara heaved and coughed again, more petals fluttered out of her lips and into the bowl.

There’s a tightness in her chest and her eyes stung, not because of the flowers blooming in her own chest, _no_.

She sat there in silence, finally realizing the harsh truth she had been trying so hard to deny.

She was in love with Lena Luthor  
But Lena Luthor _did not love her back_.

It was right in front of her and yet _she chose not to see it._

Denial really was a powerful thing.

A familiar voice calling out her name broke the silence. “Kara?”

_Lena_

Kara quickly flushed the handful of bloodied petals down, wiping out the trail of blood which had slightly dried off on her lips.

"I'm here" She announced as she made her way out of the stall, a smile plastered on her face, pretending as if nothing had just happened.

Lena stood in front of Kara, she was wearing her usual pair of stilettos matched with a knee-length skirt and blouse, topped with a maroon trench coat.

Lena opened her mouth as if to say something but no words came out and when she couldn't figure out what to say she snapped her mouth shut.

the signature crinkle appeared on Kara's face as she scrutinized the younger woman, Lena continued to simply stare at her, Lena's gaze seemed intense and Kara suddenly felt exposed.

She anxiously glanced at her own reflection to see if there was a stray petal or a maybe bloodstain left somewhere on her face but she saw nothing.

Kara slowly approached Lena who seemed to be lost for words.

"Is everything okay?" Kara hesitantly asked the brunette.

Lena once again opened her mouth to speak, it took some time before she finally found her voice.

She began explaining, her hands flailing around and doing random gestures, she simply didn't know what to do with them, she didn't even realize she was gesturing.

"Y-Yes... it's just- Jack he.. I saw something I probably shouldn't have and--"

"No rush.." The reporter reminded her gently.

Lena nodded before taking a deep breath.

"Kara.."

"Lena?"

"Jack...He's _proposing_."

Oh

Kara's jaw went _slack_ , she knows she should be happy but the only she could feel about the news was _dread_.

"Lena... I-I'm so _happy_ for you." Kara could hear her voice slightly tremble, she could only wish that Lena hadn't noticed it as well.

Kara closed the gap between the two of them, her arms instantly wrapping around Lena's figure tightly.

Sadness clouded Kara's features as she rested her head over Lena's shoulder, she tried to fight back her tears but everything just felt too much at the moment.

Lena heard Kara sniffle and she slightly pulled away to face the blonde, gently resting the palm of her hands on Kara's shoulders.

"are you okay?"

her voice was _gentle, delicate.. soothing_.

 _I'm dying_.

Kara masked her pain with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and even if it didn't it felt as if her face was being forcefully stretched out.

fighting pain with _more pain_.

"Yes, I just.. I'm _happy_ for you... I _really_ am.." She _lied_.

If Kara was being honest, she didn't want this moment to end.

She wanted to stay there with Lena, arms wrapped around the other as they both stared lovingly into each other's eyes.

However, their moment was short-lived when Lena's phone suddenly cut the silence they had settled in and started ringing.

The sudden sound made the two of them jump slightly, they awkwardly untangled themselves from each other as Lena went to answer her phone.

Kara awkwardly stood around the room, waiting for Lena's call to end, She subconsciously reached her hand up and nudged her glasses back up, it was an adorable quirk of hers that Lena has grown quite fond of.

 _Unfortunately_ , Her ogling didn't last any longer than that

Lena heaved a sigh, slightly irritated and wanting to stay a little bit longer.

she looked up at Kara with an apologetic expression on her face. "I'm sorry Kara.. I.. I have to get back to L-Corp.. _Something's_ come up.."

Kara sighed in disappointment, she too wanted Lena to stay longer but Lena _wasn't hers to keep_.

"It's totally fine, I get it.." she sent the woman a sad smile.

The two of them stood in comfortable silence for a while, she didn't want to let Lena go but Kara knew better.

"Y-you should get going then.." she mumbled, disappointment evident in her tone.

"I'll be seeing you tomorrow?" Kara wondered.

Lena nodded in acknowledgment, mirroring Kara's own smile. "Y-yes I'll see you tomorrow, Lunch."

Lena gave Kara a small wave before slipping away

and with that, she felt her heart shatter, the woman she loved the most.

gone.  
  



	2. Time

* * *

A week later and still not one of her friends neither Alex had an idea about the flowers blooming inside her lungs which threatened her life every day.

Kara had been debating on whether or not she should tell her sister, though Kara already knew she should, it still felt all too soon, she just needed more time.

A loud ding resonated inside the elevator, abruptly ending her train of thought, signaling that it had reached the highest level of the building, specifically L-corp.

She and Lena had not seen each other for the past few days and Kara being Kara, started growing concerned for the CEO which now brings her here.

Both her arms were occupied by large bags filled with different categories of food, as she navigated the building, walking the same path she usually does, she'd grown familiar to it's layout with Lena often showing her around, it had come to a point where she knew almost exactly where to go.

On her way to Lena's office, she was greeted by Jess’ warm and grateful smile.

 

Kara returns the woman's smile, giving her a small wave as she did. “Hey, is Lena in?”

“yes! And she has _NOT_ gone out or taken for even just a couple of minutes!” The assistant exclaimed as if it was the worst of the worst, and technically, it was.

“don’t worry I can handle her.”  Kara confidently assures the assistant.

Jess mumbles a thank you and good luck to Kara before taking her leave.

 

As soon as she reached the door to Lena’s office she felt her confidence replaced by uncertainty.

She cautiously pushes the door open, shaking away all of her doubts and masking it with another smile.

just as she had expected Lena was neck-deep into her work, not even sparing Kara a single glance.

 _In fact_ , if Kara hadn’t knocked to get her attention Lena most likely would not have noticed the blonde standing in the doorway.

A few more knocks later, Lena finally looks up to her visitor, _Her favorite person._

“Kara!” Lena cheers enthusiastically as she stands up from her desk.

“I am _so glad_ to see you!” she adds as she pulls Kara in for a hug.

Kara couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips from Lena’s enthusiasm as she returns the hug just as tightly “I can see that.” she comments, still chuckling.

 

The two eventually pull away from each other, and Lena was the first to talk.

 

“What brings you here?” The CEO wonders, her eyes sparkling with a mix of curiosity and _joy_.

Kara casually shrugs, “Well, I figured you haven’t had your lunch yet… _and_ Jess said you haven’t gone out for even just a few minutes so…” Kara subtly motions to the large bags of food in her arms. “I brought you these.” 

“you did not have to do this.” The brunette says, simply standing there, a smile plastered on her face as she admired her best friend in awe.

“I wanted to, now come on! the food won’t eat itself!” Kara urged

 

As the two ate together, they also talk about how life has been treating both of them, their topics eventually reach Lena’s new inventions, articles Kara has been working on and finally, the very topic she'd been trying to swerve her thoughts away from.

 

 _Jack_.

 

As much as Kara _dreaded_ the topic, she knew she couldn’t do anything, Jack and Lena have been in an intimate relationship for a very long time, it was only _right_ that Jack gets to be with her, Kara wants to be happy for Lena, she really does, but it hurt her to see Lena happy in the arms of another man,

for Kara, Lena's happiness was her main priority, it always has been, so if Lena can only find happiness with jack then _so be it._

 

“So… how are you and Jack?” Kara not so subtly asks, lifting a fry to her mouth as if it would hide the deeper meaning to the question.

Lena was silent as she pondered, shrugging nonchalantly and taking a sip of wine before finally responding.

“Jack, he’s great… apparently, he’s taking me to this theater to watch a play-”

 

Her narrative quickly ends just as fast as it started, her voice replaced by Kara’s labored coughs.

Kara was quick to cover her mouth, catching every petal before they could drift far away and reveal her secret.

 

“Are you sick?” Lena checks, concern evident in her voice as she haphazardly studied the blonde in front of her.

 _Yes_.

“No, _no_ , of course not!” she wheezed, “Something just… got caught in my throat, _It’s nothing_.” She stated, waving it off dismissively.

 

 _It’s nothing_.

 

Kara plasters a smile on her face, the same one she had when she first discovered the infection, the same one she had when she finally acknowledged that Lena _did not love her back._

she stuffs the petals and her bloodied hand inside one of her pockets until they both decided it was time to go.

They share one last hug, it lasts longer than usual and they both noticed it, yet _neither had the courage to speak_.

 

 

 

Kara spends most of her day posing as Supergirl, flying and patrolling around National City, saving the day from criminals and other disasters, whether it be a cat stuck up a tree or a robbery on a nearby store, all the while, checking in on Lena to make sure she was _safe_.

With the disease in her system, doing her job and hiding the disease wasn’t as easy as it seemed, but she knew that if people found out about her current state it would cause massive panic among the crowds, she had no choice but endure the pain the hanahaki disease caused.

It wasn’t long before the late hours of the night came.

once she was certain that her services were no longer required she temporarily left the work to the authorities before heading straight back to her apartment.

Kara changes out of her suit and for hours to come she did nothing more than think about her impending doom and Lena’s engagement, stopping once in a while to cough out petals and blood that had gathered in her throat at her thoughts of Lena.

She couldn’t help the young Luthor from invading her mind, it only spurred roots to spread and flowers to bloom inside her chest but _even the disease itself couldn’t stop her._

For the past few days, she’d been hoping that maybe this was all just a bad dream or maybe even a figure of imagination but the roots spreading inside her lungs, the flowers that bloom with them and the immense pain it brought her only proved her otherwise.

A knock sounded from the door reverberating inside the walls of her apartment, she then hears Alex’s voice, demanding Kara to let her in.

Kara promptly stands up, maneuvering towards the door and holding it open for Alex.

 

“Hey.” Alex greeted

“Hey _Hey?_ ”

 

A crinkle manifested itself on Kara's forehead as confusion took over her expression.

“I got you your pizza, ice cream, and pot stickers” Alex announced casually as she strode past her confused sister and onto the kitchen.

An “ _O_ … kay?” was the only response she receives from Kara.

 

The agent scrunches up her face as she scrutinized Kara who kept gawking at her like a deer in headlights, there was silence for a minute or two between the both of them before Alex finally came up with a conclusion.

 

“You forgot,  _didn’t you_?” Alex pointed, accusation clear in her tone.

Kara dramatically tilts her head to her side as if the answer would pop up if she did. “Forgot _what?_ ”

Alex reaches out for a pillow, propelling it towards Kara, who manages to catch it with ease before it could collide with her face.

“ _We_ were supposed to watch a movie tonight!”

The kryptonian’s mouth fell open as realization dawned on her.

“Oh… Oh no… Oh dear Rao! I completely forgot I am SO sorry!” she sputters, arms flailing in panic.

 

Alex quickly calms Kara before the blonde could completely drown herself in guilt, chuckling slightly at her sister’s dramatic antics.

 

“Hey, it’s okay! I know the past few weeks have been really _really_ stressful.”

 _If only she knew_.

“You go get settled on the couch, I’ll follow soon” Alex instructed.

 

Kara, still feeling guilty, asks if she could help but all she receives is a pointed look from Alex which obviously left no room for argument.

Kara raises both of her hands in mock defeat. mumbling to herself as she sat back down on the couch.

‘ _I was just asking… you don’t have to be so grumpy_ ’ she states as-a-matter-of-factly.

“I heard that!” the older sibling retorted.

 

 

The two spends the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch while watching Kara’s favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz and soon enough the pizza boxes and ice cream tubs were left almost empty and all the Potstickers Alex bought had all been eaten, _mostly by Kara_.

Unfortunately for Kara, halfway through the movie, without warning, falls on all fours as she felt the same tingling at the back of her throat and before she could do anything she’d already began strenuously hacking and coughing, clutching her chest as she tried yet failed to relieve her pain.

 

“Kara? What’s wrong?” _nothing…_ “Kara?”

 

When all the response she gets from Kara are harsh coughs, Alex immediately sits up and pauses the movie before kneeling beside her sister, she knows that now was not the time to panic so she begins talking Kara through the pain as she rubbed circles on her back in an effort to soothe her.

Before Kara could prevent her untimely demise, the blood-stained petals had already escaped her lips and drifted down on the floor.

Alex had never fathomed laying her eyes on this scene ever again, Kara in agonizing pain and at the verge of death, it had already happened once in her battle with Reign.

she didn’t think she could do it again but it was happening and she knows there was nothing she could do to stop it, only Kara had the ability to stop the disease but she knows how determined her sister can be.

 

Moments later when Kara finally stops, she slumps down beside Alex, her breathing is still erratic and there were visible tears, running down her cheek.

Alex carefully sits her back up on the couch ensuring that Kara was comfortable before making her way to the apartment’s kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and heading back to Kara, handing over the glass and urging the blonde to drink.

 

The silence fell heavy between the two siblings, neither of them dared to move as they waited for the other to gather enough courage to speak.

“How long?” Alex sighed

Ocean blue eyes met brown ones, Kara couldn't piece together what she saw in Alex's eyes… _Dejection, sympathy, distress, conflict,_ and a bit of everything, it feels like a brutal wave crashing against her.

Kara feels a stab of guilt and couldn't help but look away.

“Kara.” Alex calls out in a demanding tone

The reporter's gaze drops down to her lap, biting her lip as her tears began welling in her eyes.

“a week…” Kara faintly whispers.

Alex sighed, not wanting to believe Kara, but the proof was right in front of her, petals soaked in blood, _Kara’s blood_ , taunting her, spurring overwhelming emotions to plague every fiber of her being.

 _She hated it,_ the thought of losing her sister.

Tears pricked her eyes as she took Kara’s hand in hers, squeezing it gently. “why didn’t you tell me?”

Years ago, Alex probably wouldn't have cared but now, after everything she and Kara had been through?

“I… I didn’t want to worry you…I-  there’s so much happening I didn’t want to get in your way, I was going to tell you but I just- now doesn't feel like _the_ right time, I’m sorry”    

Alex shifts closer to Kara, her arms clinging tightly onto her sister’s figure.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Kara, I’m your big sister! I will always worry about you and _if not now then when?!_ ”

“I know… I should’ve known better, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” the younger sibling mumbles, shaking as she burrows her face by the crook of Alex’s neck.

“Who?”

There wasn’t much context to what Alex’s question was about but Kara knew exactly what, or rather who her sister was asking about, she almost finds it ironic, _almost_.

“Lena.”

“Oh, Kara…” Alex cooed.

“I know…”

“Well, you know your options…”

That, Kara did, she knows them all too well as it was one of the subjects that occupied her thoughts on a daily basis, apart from Lena.

her life relied on both, relied on whether or not she had the courage to speak up and confess her affection towards Lena or if she was willing to get rid of both her feelings for Lena and the disease.

Kara couldn’t bear to choose either option, she couldn’t tell Lena.

Kara knows that Lena only thinks of Her as her best friend and although she’s willing to, Kara knows she can’t do anything to change that especially not with their upcoming engagement.

Kara also couldn't stomach the idea of losing everything she felt for Lena, she would never feel the butterflies in her stomach every time she hears her beloved's laughter... It was one of the sweetest sounds she's ever heard in her entire life and she didn't want to lose that feeling she gets every time she hears it, _she can't_.

_She can’t lose her._

“I can’t lose her…”

“you’re _dying_.”

“I can’t lose her…” she repeats.

Alex abruptly stands up, leaving Kara confused, especially when she begins heading for the door.

“Alex?” Kara receives no answer so she wills herself to follow her sister, finding great difficulty in doing so as exhaustion began catching up to her.

“where are you going?”

_“I can’t lose you.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will try to update once a week.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me i'm lonely.
> 
> @eggxavierhl : Twitter  
> @xavierhl : Tumblr


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